Transsexual Dilemma Part II
After my buddy and I leave the gay men's pool party, we resume our conversation about The Transsexual Dilemma. He's been single for the last 2 years and has had his share of challenges finding people to date.
Dating in the 21st Century:
1) BARS. He's tried that route. The issue there is that people make the assumption I mentioned before, that he's a biomale with a biodick, even in GLBT bars. Getting over that obstacle before someone knows you as a person, after he or she has already made the assumption, is tricky. Let's just say the odds aren't good.
2) LOCAL ONLINE PERSONAL ADS. The trick here is where do you post? M4M? M4W? W4W? It's not so much about how HE identifies, but about WHO is reading the ads. I met my wife posting in the W4W section on craigslist, but identified myself as trans, because that's where all the queer women are looking. Problem is, that's where all the angry lesbians are, too. I never had a problem with that; though, it was almost 3 years ago that I was posting there. My buddy has been flamed, flagged and FUBARed on that list multiple times. He's had periodic luck, though, both in M4M and W4W (depending on his proclivity in-the-moment). In either, there is the risk that it's a fetish reply.
3) CHURCH. Oh, wait. Strike that one.
4) NATIONAL ONLINE PERSONAL ADS. Butch-Femme.com, Alt.com, PlanetOut.com, etc. In my limited experience, the weirdo quotient goes way up, so it's very hit-or-miss on these. To some it might sound strange to hear a trans guy talk about the weirdo quotient going up; what can I say, I really am a normal dude. (Well, not normal, thank God, but decent, intelligent, non-psycho, etc.)
Anyways, I think the picture is painted with realistic-enough detail. Back to the fetish aspect. If there is anything that described my experience prior to meeting my wife other than just regular ole dating, it was being the object of attraction based on a fetish. Now, don't get me wrong, for a guy who was newly single and all hopped up on testosterone, fetish or no fetish, bring it on! I just wanted sex and more sex. And I got it. The fetish aspect is an interesting phenomenon, though.
My recent discussion with my buddy about this led to a new possible research paper title. From Fetishize to Ostracize: The Range of Reactions to Gender Transitions in the GLBQ Community. I betcha didn't know that, in some queer circles, tranny boys (bois, boyz) are ALL the rage. Even lesbians are into bois, that is, until they look like MEN. This takes about 2-3 years of testosterone. Right about where my buddy and I are. (Lucky for me, I found myself a sexy queer woman. She'll give anyone who refers to her as bisexual or lesbian the scary, hairy eyeball, including me, the one time that I mistakenly referred to her as bisexual.) After you look like a MAN, the lesbians are not part of the pool of potential sex partners, as should be expected. Enter the angry lesbians, the ones that will log into 10 different computers so they can flag your ad for deletion as many times as possible.
It really isn't that dire, though. Well, again, not in my experience. My friend has just been at it, in the same scenes, for too long. Nonetheless, this aspect of The Transsexual Dilemma is real.
Dating in the 21st Century:
1) BARS. He's tried that route. The issue there is that people make the assumption I mentioned before, that he's a biomale with a biodick, even in GLBT bars. Getting over that obstacle before someone knows you as a person, after he or she has already made the assumption, is tricky. Let's just say the odds aren't good.
2) LOCAL ONLINE PERSONAL ADS. The trick here is where do you post? M4M? M4W? W4W? It's not so much about how HE identifies, but about WHO is reading the ads. I met my wife posting in the W4W section on craigslist, but identified myself as trans, because that's where all the queer women are looking. Problem is, that's where all the angry lesbians are, too. I never had a problem with that; though, it was almost 3 years ago that I was posting there. My buddy has been flamed, flagged and FUBARed on that list multiple times. He's had periodic luck, though, both in M4M and W4W (depending on his proclivity in-the-moment). In either, there is the risk that it's a fetish reply.
3) CHURCH. Oh, wait. Strike that one.
4) NATIONAL ONLINE PERSONAL ADS. Butch-Femme.com, Alt.com, PlanetOut.com, etc. In my limited experience, the weirdo quotient goes way up, so it's very hit-or-miss on these. To some it might sound strange to hear a trans guy talk about the weirdo quotient going up; what can I say, I really am a normal dude. (Well, not normal, thank God, but decent, intelligent, non-psycho, etc.)
Anyways, I think the picture is painted with realistic-enough detail. Back to the fetish aspect. If there is anything that described my experience prior to meeting my wife other than just regular ole dating, it was being the object of attraction based on a fetish. Now, don't get me wrong, for a guy who was newly single and all hopped up on testosterone, fetish or no fetish, bring it on! I just wanted sex and more sex. And I got it. The fetish aspect is an interesting phenomenon, though.
My recent discussion with my buddy about this led to a new possible research paper title. From Fetishize to Ostracize: The Range of Reactions to Gender Transitions in the GLBQ Community. I betcha didn't know that, in some queer circles, tranny boys (bois, boyz) are ALL the rage. Even lesbians are into bois, that is, until they look like MEN. This takes about 2-3 years of testosterone. Right about where my buddy and I are. (Lucky for me, I found myself a sexy queer woman. She'll give anyone who refers to her as bisexual or lesbian the scary, hairy eyeball, including me, the one time that I mistakenly referred to her as bisexual.) After you look like a MAN, the lesbians are not part of the pool of potential sex partners, as should be expected. Enter the angry lesbians, the ones that will log into 10 different computers so they can flag your ad for deletion as many times as possible.
It really isn't that dire, though. Well, again, not in my experience. My friend has just been at it, in the same scenes, for too long. Nonetheless, this aspect of The Transsexual Dilemma is real.
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