I've been complaining all day long, like hasn't happened in years.  I thought I'd share the love. First, a little simplified theory:

OK, so Buddhist and Hindu teachings suggest that one focus on interiors in terms of experiences of reality; they further argue that regardless of whatever exteriors manifest, one can find happiness. Simply recognize that you are always already perfect and one with all manifestation, living and breathing, here in this moment. This exact moment is all you have. And you are a wondrous part of that which is manifesting. Oh, except there's really no you like you think there is.

Easy, huh?

Now for the praxis:

Well, what if this moment involves working at a desk job that has been outgrown, clicking the mouse button for the hundredth time that day, moving between 10 - 15 open windows or applications, working like a well-trained monkey, manipulating database tables and fixing errors? Add to that the feeling of being trapped due to being the sole income provider right now. This I earned through dedicated hard work, two degrees and tens of thousands of dollars. Include all of the monkey labor up until now over the last decade and we get to see the beautiful reality of a Gen X information worker. Granted, it was interspersed with some inspired moments here and there, often having to do with glowing interpersonal interactions, and sometimes with challenging problems to solve, but when it turns into monkey work, well...I just want the hell out. And those moments - this moment THEN - as they are occurring in my life right now, are really fucking uncomfortable.

Oh, but it gets better. Today, after the thousandth or so mouse click this week, during the start of the busiest time of our year (in the education field), I learn that my blog editor site has been blocked by our new network security policy. The ability to take periodic rejuvenation breaks to connect to others through the web is one of the few things that makes the job bearable. With that little helper removed from the picture, keeping lifeblood circulating while doing work that is physically and mentally draining is getting more and more difficult. This? For the next year, until Melissa is working again, and I start grad school? Oy.

Sure, I could get another, newer, temporarily more interesting job that doesn't involve as much monkey work for the next year. Something in management would be the logical progression given my background. If I could somehow manifest a different career that paid well enough now, that'd be great. I know what my skills are; it just seems one needs a resume showing paid experience in a particular field to compete.

Then I get home after an energy-sucking day at work and the house is still a train wreck from the after effects of our vacation, which we got home from at 10pm on Sunday, less than eight hours before I had to get up for my favorite job. See, the kvetching can just go on and on...

Facing the wreck, I determined that simply diving in was the best way to go. You know, free up some energy. Some things I did after my worst work day in the last two years:
- Put away the rest of suitcase contents
- Go through boxes sitting in den left over from basement clean out
- Clean out desk drawer that has been a repository for every little office/den extra for the last two years
- Take out the garbage and the recycling
- Organize items for Goodwill donation run
- Go through no less than thirty pieces of mail
- File stack of bills and medical and insurance statements
- Clean upstairs bathroom

Now this blog entry. Next? The To Do list could actually be never ending. Searching various online boards for a new job seems to be a rather high priority. Getting things cleaned up so I could reclaim some energy to power that task definitely needed to happen first.

So, a collection of moments, less connected than a string of mala beads, translated into what feels like being a hormone-fed caged pig with no room to move; all in the name of human progress, right? Were I able to transcend the simple boredom, frustration, and physical discomfort facing the postmodern information grunt worker, and rest in spacious equanimity, I would be one of the rarest creatures on this planet. I'm pretty rare, given my left-handed, trans, intellectual, mystical self, but I'm not that rare.

Actually, cleaning and blogging has me feeling much more chipper. Thanks, friends, lovers, acquaintances, all you earth dwellers, consciousness bundles, and little lights of life. May we all find happiness together, even as we share whatever pain exists in our current realities to make the collective load lighter. May we each let down our burdens to find ways to that which will bring us higher instead of maintaining the status quo or risking the future.

Peace out.